So What Now?
by MaxMizuhara
Summary: Remus shares his love for music with Sirius one day at Hogsmeade. This starts complications for the two when Remus begins to wonder why he is important to Sirius and James. Rated for Language.


**Not sure about this. Just something that popped into my head while listening to the Beatles and completing homework. I don't own Harry Potter or any Beatles music. Just enjoyed both much of my life. Is this finished?**

It wasn't all the time. There were just moments. Remus Lupin would find comfort in simple things. He was now stuck on his mother's cassette player. It was a simple muggle comfort that Sirius and James could not understand. He sat on the grass nearby the shop that his friends were visiting in Hogsmeade. Small yellow foam pieces pressing against is ears. The voice of George Harrison blaring into his ear drums. Sirius was the first out of the shop. He scanned the area for his solo friend.

"Remus!" Sirius shouted to the deafened boy rocking his head to the music with his eyes closed. Sirius sighed and shook his head. He walked over to Remus pulling one headphone from his ear. "What could possibly be so entertaining?" He asked as Remus met his eyes with a sheepish smile.

Hitting pause on the device, Remus removed the head phones completely. "You'd understand, if you tried."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "It's just music. Wizards have it too." He responded in disbelief but still motioned with his right hand for Remus to hand over the headphones. As he took the headphones from his friend he sat down and rifled through his small bag. He removed a chocolate bar and handed it to Remus.

Chuckling, Remus grabbed the chocolate bar. "Too kind." He placed his hand over his heart in in a dramatic act of pretending to be touched.

"Okay, Let's try it." Sirius ushered Remus sliding the headphones on his head. Remus hit play. Music slowly filled Sirius' ears. He found it too loud at first, but the voice began to sing.

Remus began to comedically and dramatically mouth the words. _'You never give me your money.'_ He made motions to exaggerate the lyrics. Sirius just chuckled at his friend. Remus kept perfect time. He played the air guitar and as the voice began to count, Remus pulled the headphones off of his friend. "See, it's fun, relaxing even." He spoke with a small smile.

Sirius sighed as Remus paused the music and set the headphones on the ground. "I can see that." He smiled. It was nice to see Remus in these moods, happy and energetic.

Remus stood up. "Well you can keep listening, if you'd like. I'm going to grab a drink." Lupin head to a nearby store as Sirius pushed some buttons on the cassette player causing it to pop open. He took out the cassette when Remus was out of sight. He looked at the cassette briefly and slipped it back in its slot. He sat more comfortably on the ground before replacing the headphones on his head. A different song played. An acoustic guitar played in his ears. It was 'here comes the sun'. Sirius pulled a snack out of his bag as he listened to the music simply nodding. In his opinion it wasn't bad, but not the best music he had ever heard.

A slower song began to play. Sirius took a bite of his snack. He glanced over to see Remus coming back with James and Peter. He watched the trio happily waltz over. Remus laughing at something someone said. James walking backwards to push the humor as he had Remus choke on his drink when he started laughing again. Peter laughing along the other two. There it hit Sirius, it's their last year together.

_'You're asking me will my love grow? I don't know, I don't know.'_

Sirius didn't want to go separate ways and lose Remus. He was staying with James, he wasn't going anywhere. But when did he see Remus outside of Hogwarts?

_'If you stick around it may show. I don't know. I don't know.'_

Remus approached with a large toothy smile. His smile dropped as he read into Sirius' expression and his he gave a humored but questioning glance to James then Sirius.

_'something in the way she knows, and all I have to do it think of her'_

Sirius met eyes with Remus as James began to talk about something with him, pulling his attention away from the deafened boy. He for some reason did not remove the headphones.

_'Something in the things she shows me'_

Shaking his head, Remus sat down motioning over his ears with a smile. Obviously explaining Sirius couldn't hear anything they were saying. James began to nod. Peter was occupied by snacks he had bought.

_'I don't want to leave her now, you know I believe and how'_

Remus met eyes with Sirius again and pointed with one finger to his ear as the song was ending. Sirius pulled the headphones off his ears and handed them back to Remus. He felt a small panic in his chest, anxiety. "So, you do like it?" Remus asked with a small snicker returning to his chocolate bar.

Nodding, Sirius returned to his snack. He then grabbed Remus' drink taking a sip. Remus held his palm out in disbelief. James then pipped in, "Those things can be pretty cool. I mean it is a muggle contraption but Lily has shown me some pretty cool music on those."

Sirius stood up after collecting his things. Remus finished gathering his and Sirius offered a hand to help him up. He took it, it was different. Could be the last time, Sirius thought. A simple gesture, he'd do it for any friend but it could be the last time for _this_ friend. "He ought to head back then." Remus spoke yawning. "Don't want to be out late and get in trouble now." He spoke with a slightly scolding tone.

James waved him off. "Yeah, prefects got to set a good example for the rest of us." He responded jokingly. They started to slowly make their way back to Hogwarts. Lily met up with group and was causally speaking to James about her plans for the evening. James littered their conversation with compliments and various sweet nothings. Lily appeared immune at this point.

Remus got in a last song as he finished his drink on the walk back to the school. Sirius walked in thought as Peter then spoke to him. "Is something wrong?" He was sincere, though Sirius was not always so kind to Peter. "You seem quiet."

Sirius shrugged. "Just feeling a little tired." He put in a forced sniffle. "Maybe I'm just comin' down with somethin'." There was no way he would have a heart to heart with dear old Peter.

Peter nodded, he knew Sirius would never tell him what was truly going on but he thought he would try. Remus had packed away his cassette player solemnly. Sirius realized, it's simple. Just enjoy the simple things with his friends and the rest would come. As they entered the school Remus was happily humming to himself. Sirius recognized it. "What?" Remus asked Sirius as he found him looking at him with an attentive face.

"That's the song." Sirius started but paused. "That's the one I listened to." He followed up not letting his current dilemma leak through his words.

"It's a good one." Remus shrugged and nodded. It was obvious that he was happy someone else was taking an interest in his interests, even such a small interest it was. "You should listen to more sometime. It seems to have peaked your interest."

Sirius gave it some thought. "You know, I'd be fine with that." He replied.

Remus chuckled. "Maybe this Christmas break I can have you critique my family's collection."

"Like at your house?" Sirius asked surprised.

He received an odd expression in return. "Is that not okay?"

Sirius instantly responded to the question, "No, no, no, no, I don't mean it like that. You've just never invited anyone over before."

This statement sent Remus into a deep thought. "Huh." He just stated loudly. "That is odd, I swear I have before."

"We've hardly done anything outside of school." Sirius stated bluntly. This kept Remus thinking. There was no response. "You know, just was thinking about it." He mumbled, pushing it off as if it wasn't a concern of his.

Sighing Remus shook his head. "Of course, we must have." He was truly racking his brain for an instance where the two have spent time together outside of school. "Well, I went over to James'-"

Almost defensively Sirius interjected, "Yeah, James' house."

"You live there too." Remus chuckled back the now slightly frustrated Sirius. He dropped the smile and stopped walking while the others carried on ahead without noticing the stop. Sirius stopped a few seconds after him, not looking him in the eyes. "What? Do you think once school is over, we never see each other again?" Remus sounded as if he was more serious when asking.

Sirius shifted. "Well not that it was a big deal." He mumbled at the ground. "I'm not trying to be all moody about it, just still want us all around, you know, together. You guys are like family to me."

Remus snorted. "And you're not to me?" He was smiling again. "Sirius Black, what has this muggle music done to your brain?"

Just shaking his head, Sirius chuckled as well. "I don't know. It's just our last year. I guess I'm just having a bit of melancholy or something." He started walking again but stopped when he realized Remus was not following. "What?" He asked in a frustrated tone.

"I just want you to know, I'm not going anywhere. You'd have to murder James before I disappear. I'm sticking it out," Remus was sincere but had a joking tone to his words. "Sirius, I'm going to be there they day you die."

Sirius snorted at his friend's words. "Because I'd die first, Moony." He just smiled and shook his head at his friend. They both began to walk towards the entrance to the school. "You have much more health problems than me."

"Ah," Remus started with his not-it-all tone of voice. "But you take much more risks. I'd go out avenging you of course." He nodded with a slight chuckle.

Shaking his head Sirius snapped back jokingly. "You'll beat with a book. Maybe some muggle radio will take them out."

"You know it." Remus spoke in good humor. "See, our kids are going to be friends."

"Yeah, all that shit." Sirius stated happily.

**A few days later**

Sirius was glad that everything maintained normality after that conversation. Remus was arguing with James about their recent run-in with Severus. "It's just not okay to treat someone that way all the time." Remus pleaded with James.

James grunted, rolling his eyes. "Again, with this. He's not been hurt, Remus."

"You don't know that." Remus spoke back sternly.

James huffed standing up. "Just drop it, Lupin. Who are your friends here?" Remus exhaled his conscience eating at him. He didn't want to lose his friends. "So what? We have a little fun messing with the weird kid." James was good at justifying his actions to Remus but this time was not so convincing.

"Yeah," Remus responded defeated. The argument had been going for three classes. James and Sirius had hoped dinner would be the end bur before this defeated expression Remus now wore, there was no sign of him letting up on the issue. "I'll just let it go."

There was an obvious disadvantage in the group on Peter and Remus' side. They were friends with James and Sirius almost by chance. Remus knew he didn't fit and he knew he was holding Peter in the group. He always felt his actions had too many consequences to just stand for his own beliefs. "Good." James stated walking away still aggravated by the conversation lasting so long.

While Sirius did not fully see Remus' stand point, he took pity on the look of defeat and disappointment the boy wore. Remus then stood as well. "Where are you going?" Sirius asked as Remus did not touch his food, despite James having time to clear his plate.

Remus scoffed at Sirius and point his hands up defensively. He just walked off. Sirius then felt maybe he should have done more. He stood to follow his obviously disgruntled friend. He knew James would be okay but Remus rarely let things get to him to this extent. He saw Remus enter the restrooms. He took a few minutes to consider the awkward outcomes of following his already angered friend into the restroom. He then came to the conclusion, surely, he had enough time to finish his business, so it was safe to follow.

He found Remus rinsing his face in the sink. "Look, I'll calm down. It just eats at me sometimes." Remus started as Sirius looked at him in the mirror. He dried his face and took a deep breath.

"I get that it bothers you." Sirius began to speak quietly. "We just don't see it that same." He watched Remus exasperated expression in the mirror. "No, look," Sirius tried to take a sympathetic tone. "I just mean you're just really nice. We don't see the need to treat everyone like our friend."

"Okay." Remus turned to face Sirius. He began to rub temples. "Then why are you guys nice to me? Why have you always been there? Why do you give a damn about Peter?" Remus was truly aggravated and serious in his questioning.

The questions threw Sirius off but he picked the easiest to answer. "I don't really give a damn about Peter. I just care that you care." Sirius spoke with a careful tone. Remus began to pace angrily. "We care about you. Definitely give a damn about you." Sirius stated with more fire in his voice. It felt odd to be having this conversation at all to Sirius.

"I know you must. But I'm asking why." Remus calmed down looking at Sirius with a pleading look. "You say all that about wanting me around with you guys. But then you don't even listen when I'm leading you back into humanity."

Sirius shrugged. At a loss for words. He didn't know how to explain it. "Its been like seven years. You're Remus Lupin." He kept pausing as if his answers should be adequate. Remus just stared waiting for something significant. Nothing came.

Remus spat back getting upset once again. He was furious. "You know what I see?" Sirius shook his head slowly unsure of what Remus was talking about. "I see this chain. James wouldn't give a shit about me, if it weren't for you. Just like you wouldn't give a damn about Peter if it weren't for me." Remus was close to yelling but he stopped and took a breath. "So, I need to understand, why does James Potter keep me around?" Sirius just stared blankly at his friend. "Why do you want me around?"

"What do you mean? We're friends?" Sirius responded completely confused.

Remus nodded. He appeared completely calm. He sighed as he walked past Sirius using language Remus has never used before in Sirius' presence. "Sure, go fuck yourself." He left the bathroom and Sirius, empty and confused. He just decided he would wait until Remus calmed down. He just leaned against the bathroom wall to process what might have gone wrong in that conversation.

**The next evening**

Remus acted normally. He didn't see the point to drag on with his insecurities and losing his only friends over it. He didn't need reassurance as to why they were friends, he just had to let it be. He felt like Sirius was just watching him, waiting for him to explode again. He wouldn't. But it just ate at him, they torture Severus, even Lily can look past it and yet they wish to be friends with him. He always felt he should stand up to them more but it always ended similarly. Compromising his morals.

Sirius kept staring at Remus. He knew the argument would never come up again but he couldn't help but to continually try to figure out what the answer was that Remus was looking for. Why does Sirius Black give a damn about Remus Lupin? Because he does. Remus is important.

Peter was already down for the night and James was out with Lily, doing only they know what. It was just Remus and Sirius sitting in the common room past midnight. Silently. "I just don't understand." Sirius mumbled while staring at Remus, who was lounging in a chair on the other side of the common room.

"You don't understand what?" Remus asked plainly after opening his eyes and looking directly at Sirius.

Sirius put his hands on his face and shook his head. "What did you want me to say?" Sirius asked looking his friend directly in the face with an honestly concerned expression.

Remus just shook his head, closing his eyes again and sighed. "I was just being dumb. Insecure. Drop it. Let it melt away." He truly had a calm and uninterested tone, though he dreaded getting back into the argument.

"That makes it all the more important." Sirius stated leaning his head into the palm of his hand. He began to rack his brain for the words. "I just want you to be happy. I don't want to lose you as a friend because I can't find the words."

Remus felt the annoyance growing in his chest as he clenched his teeth. There it went again. The importance. The unwarranted importance from Sirius Black. It made no sense to him. "You're not going to lose me as friend. Just let it go."

"No, I can't. It's just going to keep bothering me." Sirius responded quickly.

Remus opened his eyes and looked Sirius in the eyes. "Then just stop thinking."

Sirius shook his head. "I can't. It's just there eating at me."

"That's stupid." Remus replied quickly. "It's not important."

Sirius responded quickly. Their conversation getting faster but somehow not very heated. "It is to me."

"Well its not to me." Remus gave a full armed shrug.

"It should be." Sirius stated relaxing into his seat a little more starting to think more.

Remus shook his head in disbelief. "And whys that?"

Sirius couldn't stop himself but he just blurted it out, "Because I think I _love _you."

Without taking time to process what was said Remus just rolled his eyes. "Yeah, and Merlin loves all his children."

"Oh, man." Sirius began to feel tight in his chest and his stomach became upset. He exhaled uncomfortably. "There's something wrong with me." He stated quietly.

Remus slowed down and walked over to Sirius concerned. "Oh, what's going on? You okay?"

Sirius looked up at Remus from his seat in disbelief. "I just admitted feeling to you and you rejected me. I don't know."

"Rejected you?" Remus asked oblivious to the confession being legitimate.

Sirius exhaled uncomfortably again. "Yeah, you were kind of an asshole about it."

Remus blinked, he was stunned. "Wait, I thought that was like a joke or like I love you brother."

Sirius shook his head taking deep breaths, still unsure of his standing with one of his best friends. "Nope, don't think so."

"What about all those girlfriends?" Remus inquired beginning to break down Sirius' whole school career and the choices that he made that would hint at this scenario. "You've never…"

Sirius just shouted at Remus to stop the analyzing. "Come the fuck on! Kind of cut my chest open here."

"I've got to think about this." Remus stated walking away from Sirius starting to get panicked himself.

"it's a simple yes or no." Sirius pressured feeling more uncomfortable by the minute.

Remus turned around quickly and just stated, "yes."

Sirius looked completely shocked. "What the hell does that mean?"

"You said yes or no." Remus argued back getting frustrated forgetting Sirius' discomfort.

Sirius covered his face and spoke exasperatedly. "Just tell me what the fuck that means."

"It means I do too." Remus stated smiling, placing his hands-on Sirius' knees and smashing their foreheads together.

Sirius stared back into Remus' eyes. "So, what now?"

Remus sat down next to Sirius on the couch. "Just don't die before me." He leaned forward smiling at Sirius who still seemed to be locked into his distress. "That's it. Now we're just us."

"Just us." Sirius repeated and Remus leaned his head on Sirius' shoulder. "huh." He said simply resting his head on Remus'. "I'd have to go before you,"

Remus was dozing off but still replied, "Whys that?"

Sirius just smiled, took a minute to respond and he exhaled as he stated. "I don't know if I could live without you." Remus was already asleep, more at peace than he had been in a long time.

**I guess I just wanted to write something since I was asked to continue my Before I Fall in Love but it's been so long, I don't know what my plans were. Hope you enjoyed. Let me know.**


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